I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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