dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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