I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
