It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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