Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
