i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
