i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
