Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
