Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize