Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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