I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
