I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
