I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
