Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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