dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Randomize
