need another drink. this is the easiest way
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
