Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
