My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
