ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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