My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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