There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
