She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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