Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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