i permit you to call me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
