Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
