3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
barbara walters just said penis...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
