i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think people are normalizing furries
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
