if you like me you must not know who I am
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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