Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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