I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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