Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
