Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Randomize
