and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
