the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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