Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
