Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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