I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just high enough for therapy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So vagazzling was a success
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize