did you get engaged???
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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