My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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