Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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