My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
