Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
