'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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