sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
