She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
