Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
