I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
this is an emotional support booty call
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize