Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
