Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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