it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
