I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
