it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
