im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
jump out the window naked night went bad
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