shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
