apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
