Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize