im having a threesome with these popsicles
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
