everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize