so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
