Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
