If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
foreskin is a definite game changer
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
