Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
