Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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