Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And then my night got REAL pukey
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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