Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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