All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
