After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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