He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
